This is for you Sami

It was a gray day. You know, one of those days when everything looks dull, gloomy and heavily gray. It is the first thing I remember about that day.

There was a light drizzle in the morning as people began making their way to the house in small groups. There were grandmothers and grandfathers who were still too stunned by the incident. There were uncles and aunts; some slopped on chairs gazing into nothingness and others bustling around with expressionless faces attending to the unending tasks. There were cousins - the small ones playing around blissfully unaware of what was going on and the older ones in groups of twos and threes exchanging whispers.

The gloom and sorrow in the air was so thick I felt I could almost touch it. I was standing at the balcony of the first floor of the house watching the people milling around in the garden below.

After a while, two men approached an uncle and had a short discussion. From their faded lungi, physique and sun-tanned skin, it was clear they were not here for the same reason the others were. They slowly moved to a corner of the garden near the wall and seemed to mark the spot. After taking certain measurements and marking a rectangular area, one of them withdrew into the shadows and emerged a little while later armed with two pick axes, a shovel, some rope and a few other things I could not make out from up overhead.

I was blankly watching the scene when one of the men lifted that pickaxe and hit down hard on the rocky gravel. A shudder passed through me and it suddenly hit me why those men were here – these men were here to dig the grave!

It was one thing that I was watching a grave being dug for the first time in my life. But the fact that actually gave me the shudder was that this grave was being dug for a girl my age. A 20 year old girl.

20 years was not an age to die. It was the age when life seemed its best – unending fun hours with friends, great time at the college and just the time when everything seems full of life, energy and color. It was at that age when life suddenly came to an end for her – Smitha Roy.

The Flashback

Smitha Roy – or Sami as we called her – was my cousin. My grandma once mentioned that she had suggested the name Smitha to match with my name – Nitha. I was the 2^nd grandchild in the family and Sami the 3^rd. from early childhood, she was the quiet type. Although she was always present with us during playtime, the presence was always quiet, not shouting and shrieking like the rest of us – her two sisters and my two brothers.

We used to go over to her house almost every weekend. Although there was never a deep friendship between us, we had a certain connection. She was kind, understanding and always had a half-smile on her face. She expertly managed most of the chores in her house – something that often earned me that ‘kandu padikku’ look from my mother.

During my first dance performance at the age of 8, I remember wearing Sami’s bharathanaytam costume and ornaments. It was a blue one that suited me well. I think my father still has snaps of me taken during that performance.

As we grew up, the visits became less frequent. After 12^th grade, both of us flew back to Kerala. While Smitha Roy joined law college in Thiruvananthapuram, I joined for degree course in Kollam. Once in a while, we would see each other at a relative’s wedding or funeral. In January 2002, I saw her at our great-grandmother’s funeral. She wasn’t looking so good then. I heard someone mention a certain medical condition and that she was taking medications. Never thought it was something life-threatening.

By June 2002, Smitha Roy was really sick and had to be hospitalized several times. My brother Rakesh stood by them during a couple of hospital visits. When she was back home, we went to see her. Though physically exhausted, the smile on her face was still bright and radiant. Smitha Roy asked me about my studies and future plans. She kept talking about how strenuous and painful the physiotherapy sessions were. After a while, it was time to leave. I gently clasped her hands and told her she would get well soon. I had no idea it was the last time I would see her alive.

On September 12, 2002 Smitha Roy passed away.

September 15, 2002

The men continued digging away. It was tough work. The gravel was as hard as rock. They toiled on for hours. Finally someone arrived with a long piece of wood and lowered it into the hollow. Everyone standing around nodded it was deep enough. Just then the ambulance arrived on the scene. The place that was almost silent now broke into wails, shrieks and helpless cries.

Smitha Roy's body was placed on a table in the front room. The scene was heart-wrenching. Her parents sat by her side gazing at their daughter, their grief too heavy and too exhausted to cry anymore. Her sisters were totally inconsolable. When their grief broke loose, it was too much for anyone to control.

Smitha Roy looked like she was in deep sleep. Her eyes were only half-shut, as if she has just slipped into sleep. There was still a smile on her lips. Near her coffin, there was a walkman and an audio cassette of ‘Umapenninu uriyaada payyan’. When Chandu kochachan phoned from the gulf a week back, she had requested for those. But Smitha Roy never waited to hear those songs.

It was time. The coffin was slowly closed. The men lifted it up and proceeded towards the grave. The cries of women from within the house reached a crescendo. Within minutes, everything was over. The kind soul who was smiling just a few days back was no more.

Is it really the end?

Death may be the end of so many things. But there are things death can never change. The impression that one makes in the life of others is one of those things that continue to live on. Today it is ten years since Smitha Roy passed away. But Smitha had and still has a special place in the hearts of so many people. Here are some of the memories her friends shared with me.

“Yes, she was a quiet one. Yes, she was a shy one....but that never stopped her from coming to my defense when kids teased me constantly coz of my short stature. After telling the kids off she would go back and become absorbed at whatever she was doing - and thats how I remember Smitha Roy.

I think I joined Smitha Roy as her classmate in 7th grade but it wasn't until much later that we were on friendly terms, she found my goofiness immature, and had this no-nonsense air around her that I felt it safe to keep a distance. After a couple of years of sharing the same classes, familiarity crept in I found it amusing to call her "spring hair", it would instantly rile her, and then,she and I would go onto have endless cat and mouse chase...Even when she hated being called spring hair, she was never rude or harsh or condescending in any way, she tolerated my antics - and thats how I remember Smitha Roy.

Once I mentioned that I loved Snickers and she mentioned should she be called anything other than Smitha Roy, she preferred Snickers instead of spring hair, I said I wanted to be a police woman, and she said she was going into law, after 12th, we both shared the same flight back to India - we wished each other good luck and parted ways, that was last time I saw her - and thats how I remember Smitha Roy.

Hardly any heart rending memories really, and I consider that as my loss that I didn't know her well enough.....

What I know of Smitha Roy has left with me some very ordinary memories of an extraordinarily kind and gentle human being....

God Bless her Soul” - JINU MATHEWS

  

“Well I remember Smitha Roy from when she used to sit behind me in class. She was so mature for her age, quiet and dignified.She was hard working,kind and generous and gentle by nature. She was a little lady. What I remember vividly is how I used to measure her fingernails......weird I know, but true. She's even mentioned it in my autograph book. You could always turn to her for help or advice and u know she'll tell u the right thing.

I know these aren't extraordinary memories but school timings were limited. I wish I had gotten to know her better. Smitha Roy will always hold a very special place in my heart. I so shocked and saddened to her about her passing. Wish facebook had existed then! Would  have been a lot easier to keep in touch.

What will I remember most about Smitha Roy? Her warm friendly smile, her generosity and her kind nature. One thing is for sure..... the world would definitely have been a better place with Smitha Roy in it. God bless her. May her soul rest in peace.” - TANIA SHAHEEN

"Smitha Roy was a great friend. I was shocked to hear about her demise. We were the only 2 girls in the Science stream who had not opted for Biology as a subject. I will not forget the endless chess games that we played during Physical Education period. She would listen to my non-stop chatter and also come up with solution to any issues that I faced. She was truly one of a kind." - JACLYN PINTO

“I remember Smitha Roy from our dance class in Sound of Music. I think she joined me as a classmate in 7^th or 8^th standard, but then we weren’t that close. I remember she telling me that she studied in veteran actor Madhu’s school and she had seen him and talked to him and all such things. So, we used to talk, just casual talks; we were more like hi-bye friends…. I remember, when the 10^th std results were out and I lost my distinction for a percent, I was totally upset…Smitha Roy was the only one who cheered me up… She was a great friend and a person to rely on. She was a calm person too; she used to take everything lightly.

It was in 11^th and 12^th that we became good friends. The Maths tuitions that made us closer; either I used to pick her up or the other way…We used to talk a lot then, not just casual talks but deeper ones such as our likes and dislikes, gossips, our future plans and so on….Those days are still fresh in my memory and missing them a lot!! I remember for Diwali Smitha Roy used to bring sweets to tuition class and when asked she said in her place they celebrate Diwali just like in the North. Every time I watch “Summer in Bethlehem”, I remember Smitha Roy, since she was the one who persuaded my father to watch it in the theatre when that was released…I still remember my father always used to tell her to become a IPS officer, as he believed that profession suited her personality more. She was truly a bold person with lots of confidence. So my memories about her many…Among them, there is one which I regret a lot to this day…I remember it was during Onam, she had invited us to her home after the tuition class but due to some reason, we had to decline her invitation saying next time...But there was never a “next time”…..

Even as I write this small note, memories of Smitha Roy as a person is still fresh in my mind…Her smile, her laugh, her hair, her specs, her tall figure…everything….. I just can’t believe that it’s been a decade since she’s gone!!! May her soul rest in peace…

Smitha Roy - you were truly my best friend (though our friendship span was for just 2 yrs) and somewhere deep in my heart you are always there and will be there till my eternal sleep. Miss you!” - CINZY JOHNSON



"Smitha Roy - true fighter who fought her disease with a beautiful innocent smile, can never be forgotten.My mom - a cancer survivor who once used to be our English teacher at school - often told me -" Johnsy- do you know that there is a beautiful quiet girl - with expressive, graceful face, beautiful eyes-- a poet's or a writer's true treat to describe " beauty" - and I began to wonder- and she said " Smitha Roy" . Next day at school - I realised how true my mom's description about Smitha Roy was. A very much exemplary student.To all  my dear friends- passing through tough times - its never easy, but holding on to God you see even the biggest obstacle as a stepping stone to brighter tomorrow." JOHNSY JOSEPH SAMUEL


"I knew Smitha Roy since we were 4 oř 5. And still remember this dance that we had performed as part of Sound of Music's annual day celebrations.This was I guess our first time on stage for a dance program. She was ... bubbly ...n lively with us but cautious with boys though never leaving a chance to 

make a dig at them. I 

don't remember Smitha Roy ever being rude to any of us. She was shy at times but always 

helpful, kind and sympathetic. I particularly remember that day when I had been to her house and she along with her sisters narrated dramatically the stories of those horror movies 'Scream' n 'I know what you did last summer' ...I ve never felt that she has gone.Smitha Roy lives somewhere ....in my memories..in our hearts." REEMA DAX

N.B: I would like to personally thank all the people who contributed to this. I would also like to express my gratitude to my father who contributed the snaps used in this post.