Believe me, a child is a blessing
Note: I would like to clarify that the views expressed here are purely my personal opinions. It is not intended to challenge the decisions of people who think differently. If you have a completely different opinion on this topic, I fully respect your views.
I fully agree that the decision to have a child is one’s personal choice. Still, it’s disturbing to hear couples talking about how burdensome a kid can be in their married life. It is even more disturbing to note the increasing number of couples who think so. They put forward lots of theories to justify why a kid will not be welcome in their lives. In their view, a kid can bring in additional expenses, a kid can prove to be a time-consuming commitment and a kid may force a parent to put a brake on his/her soaring career. While there may be a few facts in these justifications, I think it is important to remember that we may not have been here to discuss all this if our parents thought likewise.
Right now, I feel I have to put up a post about this because yesterday I received a call from my friend who wanted to know if it was ok to decide not to have a child and focus on her career instead. She was mainly worried about going on maternity leave for a couple of months and someone else grabbing that promotion she has been working hard for. Frankly, I did not know what to tell her because I knew she was very serious about her career. At the same time, I could not help sharing how much I enjoyed being a mother and how much I value my child over my career.
So here are some points that came up during the course of our discussion:
§ A new baby need not mean the end of your career:
I had been working as a content developer prior to my delivery. In fact, I continued working right up to two weeks before the delivery. Then I went on maternity leave for six months. Actually I was ready to begin working after 3 months. But since I felt the baby needed my attention for some more time, I went on leave for another three months. Once I began working, I informed my office that I would begin with a small workload and gradually increase it as my baby grew older. This allowed me to concentrate on my career without compromising on my time spent with the baby. Now my son is 2 years, I have been promoted and I am earning almost 3 times the amount I used to before the baby arrived.
Personally, I found this quite easy since I was working from home. I did not have to travel to office everyday. I could be engaged in my work while still keeping an eye on the baby. It may not be this simple for ladies working away from home. However, they can still try to create a balance between being a mother and being a career woman.
The lesson here is that you can progress in your career even if you decide to have a baby. However, make sure to inform your superiors in advance if you will not be able to put in as much effort as usual. They too are humans and will naturally understand your problem. They will also appreciate it if you clearly state when you will be available in office and when you are likely to go on leave.
§ Time spent on the child is not time wasted:
Tell me, is there any kind of relationship that does not demand time, attention and care? Then why does it have to be different when it comes to the strongest bond of all – the mother-child relationship?
Every moment you spend with your child is going to be something that you will cherish for a lifetime. Which mother can forget the first time her baby called me ‘Ma’? Or the mess the child created when he began eating on his own? Right now, my son has a different way of showing affection. He loves to kiss my 7-month pregnant tummy and announce that his ‘vava’ is saying ‘Thank you unnichetta’! I don’t think I will be able to forget how special these moments are. In a few years, he will be all grown up and cocooned in a world of his own. So I am looking forward to spending more time with him when is still this innocent.
§ A child is not going to affect the husband-wife intimacy:
The particular friend I was talking about was especially anxious about this. Both her husband and she are highly paid IT professionals who rarely get time for themselves. She says they rarely find time to have a meal together. This hectic pace is already affecting their relationship. So she believes a child is going to widen that gap since it will demand all her time and she will not be able to attend to her husband properly.
I tried to make her understand that a child actually deepens the intimacy between a husband and wife. The husband develops a new respect for the wife as she transforms from just a wife to the mother of his child. And the husband is going to appreciate the fact that the wife is finding more time to care for their child. The wife can involve the husband in caring for the child. For instance, my hubby didn’t mind getting up when my baby began wailing in the middle of the night. He also loved to dress up the child. That involvement has developed into a strong bond. Now this father-son duo exercise together, team up to drive me mad and even go on long drives without me. My son has definitely brought us closer and continues to strengthen our love and respect for each other.
Well, this pretty well sums up our discussion. I hope I succeeded in convincing my friend to go on with the decision to have a baby. After all, I meant every word I said. I enjoy my motherhood so much that I am now preparing to welcome my second child. What more proof do you need?
I fully agree that the decision to have a child is one’s personal choice. Still, it’s disturbing to hear couples talking about how burdensome a kid can be in their married life. It is even more disturbing to note the increasing number of couples who think so. They put forward lots of theories to justify why a kid will not be welcome in their lives. In their view, a kid can bring in additional expenses, a kid can prove to be a time-consuming commitment and a kid may force a parent to put a brake on his/her soaring career. While there may be a few facts in these justifications, I think it is important to remember that we may not have been here to discuss all this if our parents thought likewise.
Right now, I feel I have to put up a post about this because yesterday I received a call from my friend who wanted to know if it was ok to decide not to have a child and focus on her career instead. She was mainly worried about going on maternity leave for a couple of months and someone else grabbing that promotion she has been working hard for. Frankly, I did not know what to tell her because I knew she was very serious about her career. At the same time, I could not help sharing how much I enjoyed being a mother and how much I value my child over my career.
So here are some points that came up during the course of our discussion:
§ A new baby need not mean the end of your career:
I had been working as a content developer prior to my delivery. In fact, I continued working right up to two weeks before the delivery. Then I went on maternity leave for six months. Actually I was ready to begin working after 3 months. But since I felt the baby needed my attention for some more time, I went on leave for another three months. Once I began working, I informed my office that I would begin with a small workload and gradually increase it as my baby grew older. This allowed me to concentrate on my career without compromising on my time spent with the baby. Now my son is 2 years, I have been promoted and I am earning almost 3 times the amount I used to before the baby arrived.
Personally, I found this quite easy since I was working from home. I did not have to travel to office everyday. I could be engaged in my work while still keeping an eye on the baby. It may not be this simple for ladies working away from home. However, they can still try to create a balance between being a mother and being a career woman.
The lesson here is that you can progress in your career even if you decide to have a baby. However, make sure to inform your superiors in advance if you will not be able to put in as much effort as usual. They too are humans and will naturally understand your problem. They will also appreciate it if you clearly state when you will be available in office and when you are likely to go on leave.
§ Time spent on the child is not time wasted:
Tell me, is there any kind of relationship that does not demand time, attention and care? Then why does it have to be different when it comes to the strongest bond of all – the mother-child relationship?
Every moment you spend with your child is going to be something that you will cherish for a lifetime. Which mother can forget the first time her baby called me ‘Ma’? Or the mess the child created when he began eating on his own? Right now, my son has a different way of showing affection. He loves to kiss my 7-month pregnant tummy and announce that his ‘vava’ is saying ‘Thank you unnichetta’! I don’t think I will be able to forget how special these moments are. In a few years, he will be all grown up and cocooned in a world of his own. So I am looking forward to spending more time with him when is still this innocent.
§ A child is not going to affect the husband-wife intimacy:
The particular friend I was talking about was especially anxious about this. Both her husband and she are highly paid IT professionals who rarely get time for themselves. She says they rarely find time to have a meal together. This hectic pace is already affecting their relationship. So she believes a child is going to widen that gap since it will demand all her time and she will not be able to attend to her husband properly.
I tried to make her understand that a child actually deepens the intimacy between a husband and wife. The husband develops a new respect for the wife as she transforms from just a wife to the mother of his child. And the husband is going to appreciate the fact that the wife is finding more time to care for their child. The wife can involve the husband in caring for the child. For instance, my hubby didn’t mind getting up when my baby began wailing in the middle of the night. He also loved to dress up the child. That involvement has developed into a strong bond. Now this father-son duo exercise together, team up to drive me mad and even go on long drives without me. My son has definitely brought us closer and continues to strengthen our love and respect for each other.
Well, this pretty well sums up our discussion. I hope I succeeded in convincing my friend to go on with the decision to have a baby. After all, I meant every word I said. I enjoy my motherhood so much that I am now preparing to welcome my second child. What more proof do you need?
Comments