The Unending Game of Lock and Key

"What gift would you love to receive on your birthday?" Mili asked. 

Not that she was planning to gift me anything, but still, she was curious. In case you didn't know, we're among that tribe of women who are no longer pampered with gifts. Nobody remembers our birthdays or anniversaries. No one even gets a passing thought to gift us something on special days. 

No guy stays up awake at night wondering what to gift us, what would make us jump up and down in delight, or what we would truly appreciate. Nobody cares anymore. We've been relegated to something like the TV that stays on in some households day and night. 

Nobody really pays attention to what's playing on that TV. Heck, most of the time, nobody even watches it. But still, it remains working. And one day, the TV quits. It stops. It's had enough of that non-stop work and neglect. 

People try banging it, kicking it, maybe even taking it apart and trying to make sense of what's inside. Finally, they give up and get a new one!

Yes. We women are at that stage. Mind you, I never said 'all' women. But yes, most of us. 

No one cares if we're alive or dead as long as they are served 3 hot meals a day, their clothes are washed, dried, folded, and stacked in cupboards, the home looks habitable, the dog smells nice, and mother-in-laws look less annoyed than the previous day. 

Even the word 'homemaker' makes us sound like machines. Like a coffeemaker or roti maker. And you should listen to the reviews we get.

'Oh, yes. She's functioning well. Taking good care of my home and the kids. But the food was a bit salty this morning. And I wasn't exactly pleased that my boss found her intelligent and humorous during the office party last week. I thought she was the base version—you know, boring, timid and even a little stupid. Isn't that the way they should be? I think I received a defective one. She has a voice. Can you even imagine that? A voice! And she uses it! She's comfortable within the four walls, like a bird in a golden cage. What else does she need? Do you think I should cut off all her remaining ties to her family?"

Okay, now you get an idea, right? And now you know why self-love is a global phenomenon. Why more women choose on focus on themselves, their happiness, their health, their interests...

And that's exactly what I do too. I don't wait for anyone to tell me 'You are awesome!" or "You look great" or 'I love you". I tell that to the old mirror that holds a slightly patchy reflection of my face. I urge myself to come up with solutions.

If I feel like I deserve a treat after my article ranks #1 on Google, I order something online and dig into it, heartily joined by my two kids. 

If my hormones are yet again taking a roller coaster ride, I take a walk around the house, followed by my excited dog. 

If I long to wear something new, I buy whatever catches my fancy. 

If I feel like discovering a new place, what do you think I would do? No, I don't travel. Because they say 'home is the world for women from reputable families'. 

So, I buy books and I immerse myself into it. I have just explored Tehran and the US with 'The Stationery Shop of Tehran'. I'm currently in Afghanistan through 'Sparks like Stars'. The next stop is Iceland. 

Can you believe it took just a few microseconds for all these thoughts to zap through my mind? I guess there was hardly any change in my expression since Mili was still waiting for an answer. 

"I'd like to rewind my life, Mili. Back to my childhood when I was truly happy, carefree, pampered, and celebrated. Yeah, I'd like that." 

Mili let out a deep sigh, as her eyes followed the path of a lonely ant marching to keep up with its comrades. Then she looked up, squeezed my hand tight and said, "Thank God we at least have the memories! Nobody can take that away from us..."

"That's it?" I asked.

"No", she said slowly getting up on her feet and making her way towards the gate, "I'm going to get a tub of ice-cream. You need it girl!"

And so, we made it through another day with a tub of ice-cream. 

And that's the way life generally is. It keeps throwing challenges and you somehow find a way out. 

Because I believe God never creates a lock without its key! And to find the key, you've to keep looking. Like I do, in books and food and long walks and ice-cream!

Till next time

Nitha Girija Vallabhan